So he finally asked me out on a date. He would pick me up and we would have our first date.
It’s Saturday evening, and as I’m getting dressed, doing my makeup, I began to feel nervous. What.is.this.feelinggg? I sent this text to my friend. He assured me, oh just nerves – you’ll be fine.
Nerves? Why was I nervous? I’ve gone on countless dates with men, what was this the 8th grade dance? I continued getting dressed, applying my makeup and trying to calm myself. Finally, I was ready for the date. My cell phone rang – it was him. He said that he was waiting for me out front. I hung up the phone, grabbed my purse and keys and was ready to head out the door.
I opened my front door and walked down the steps. As he stepped out of the car, he smiled and said, “Hey you!” I smiled back, but I was trying to stay cool with my best poker face. I said, heyyyy…(that’s all I could muster at the time). I was nervous, felt sweaty, hot and cold at the same time (It was winter, so you could just imagine). What in the world was happening to me? Everything seemed like it was in slow motion. I kid you not! He walked up to me and pulled me in for thee most sensuous, tightest hug I have ever experienced. I couldn’t stop myself from inhaling more than once the scent of his cologne. He smelled so good!
And of course, that same feeling of familiarity was back!! This time, it was like I was remembering his hug. As if I knew that embrace…it felt familiar to me somehow. After we disconnected, I realized that he was laughing. What’s so funny, I asked. He answered, “You’re heart – I can feel it beating. I nudged him in the arm, while he opened the car door for me to get in. But as he walked around to his side, I felt so embarrassed. He could he feel – against my winter coat and scarf, how fast my heart was beating? And why did he find that funny?
His response, I don’t think so? I dropped it. I just thought, maybe I was confusing him for someone else. It happens. Our text conversation continued into the early evening. He had asked me if we could video chat – just to be sure I wasn’t a catfish. I didn’t see a problem with this. So I told him, I’d text him after I finished eating dinner. He agreed.
After I had my dinner, I was free and ready to Skype. I logged on, shot him a quick text I was free and then waited. Within a few minutes, he finally appeared on the screen. Instantly that strange, weird feeling of knowing him resurfaced. This time, it was stronger, and much more nagging. Before he even had the chance to speak, I quickly blurted out, Yoooo…where have we met before? What I really wanted him to do was to list all the places, people, streets, cities, countries, schools he ever lived, attended or known. But that would come off a little too obsessive. I couldn’t show all my cards just yet lol.
He was leaning back in his chair, eyes focused straight on me. I knew he was reading me. I could tell by how quiet and focused he had been. He was doing the same thing I did to other men. Whenever I would meet with a guy for a date, I quietly sat back and read them. I listened to how they spoke, the meaning behind the words, their body language, even down to the words they used. However, I used this information to understand how to better manipulate them. Reel them in, and spit them out before they had the chance to hurt me. I knew right at that moment: he will be an entire problem!!
I was uncomfortable. I was being confronted with the reflection of how I maneuvered with men. I smiled and said hey you – just trying to play everything off like I was calm, cool and collected. Truthfully, I was a ball of nerves!! Like two cups of strong coffee nerves. Smiling, he asked if he could ask me a question. I said, sure go ahead. He asked me why was I so nervous?Why was I so nervous…perhaps because you’re thee most handsome man I have ever laid eyes on, you’re charming, intelligent, you’re the only guy that can give me a run for my moneyand to top it all off I feel like we have this other worldly connection? Instead, I replied, I don’t know what you’re talking about! I was being extra defensive. But he just smiled, leaned back into his seat, folded his arms and continued to stare at me.
This man saw straight through to my soul. It was as if he could see me! I felt it – deeply. So much so, I wanted to run… run fast and run far. I wasn’t ready for whatever this was, between myself and this man. Since he was leaning back and I could see some tattoos on his arm, I quickly changed the subject and asked him about them. While I was curious to know, honestly, I just wanted him to stop staring at me!
While, we continued to Skype; he shared with me the meaning behind his tattoos. One tattoo, stood out to me. I asked him, where did he have it done and why that one. He told me it was of an Egyptian god (I won’t share his tattoo details of the deity for privacy etc…). He asked me if I was familiar with the name of the god, despite my parents’ teachings about ancient Egypt, hieroglyphics, and other gods and goddesses. I felt a little embarrassed. I should have known better, but truth was truth, I never heard of this god prior to him sharing this with me that night. I, myself, have only one tattoo. It’s of the ankh (an ancient Egyptian symbol, meaning “life”). I have always felt drawn to ancient Egypt – almost obsessively. I was just happy to have met someone who shared that interest.
However, the more we talked about ancient Egypt – the more I felt that weird, distant feeling of knowing him. I jokingly brought the question to his attention. I asked once more: Haven’t we met before? To which he replied, Nope. I would definitely remember meeting you! But that nagging feeling just wouldn’t go away. By this time, it was irksome! I couldn’t place my finger on how I would have possibly known him except – maybe ancient Egypt had something to do with it? My logical mind quickly dismissed that idea. I knew I believed in past lives, but I never would have believed in that moment, it was possible for us. Hell, I felt like I wasn’t even in my right mind.
I thought I was making more of this than it needed to be. In my mind, this was all pretty simple: I was video chatting with a guy I was very much attracted to. Period. That’s all. But how can I feel this intense attraction to another so quickly? I was just out of a three-year relationship, with someone I thought I would certainly marry. I tossed it up to feeling neglected in the last few months of my past relationship. Now, that made perfect sense to me. Yep, I was just transferring these unresolved feelings of my ex, onto this new guy! As he kept sharing with me about his other tattoos, that familiar feeling kept creeping back. I began to wonder to myself: maybe – just maybe I’m asking this question all wrong? So I waited until he finished talking, and resumed his favorite position (leaning back, staring at me smiling). So, I became just as quiet and stared back at him. Silence.
As I sat there staring directly into his eyes, I knew the next question to ask:
So I messaged him. On a Saturday night. I remember feeling anxious waiting to see how he would respond. I saw that he had recently moved to my city, on military orders. I sent him a quick message welcoming him and hoping that he would enjoy his stay here. Something short and sweet that would open the door.
He replied a few minutes later, thanking me for the kind words. We messaged online throughout the evening. The next day, Sunday night, I offered my phone number because the long back and forth, when online dating, always frustrated me to no end. I wanted to get straight to the point – are you interestedin exchanging numbers? We exchanged numbers, and he sent a text right away. Give me an inch – and I’ll take a mile lol. So I took it further. I asked if he wanted to talk on the phone so we could talk in real time. To my surprise, he also agreed!
I enjoyed our conversation. We talked about everything under the sun: marriage, the future, gender roles, his children, religion, where I lived, where he was from (he received relocation orders from the military – to move to my city)and childhood memories. Oddly, we discovered, we both moved (I back to my hometown after my breakup and he on orders) around the same time. Overall, it was an easy, fun, free flowing conversation. I had to admit; I misjudged him. He had so much depth and knowledge. Very wise and non judgemental. The more we talked, the more attracted I became to him. I liked him a lot more than the other men I was casually dating. But this scared me. I had already placed him in the fun box and I didn’t want to let him out of this box. I didn’t want to get my hopes up just to become disappointed. I enjoyed being in control. Not being emotionally attached to anyone. I wasn’t ready for that kind of connection. But again, something kept pulling me back to him.
The following morning, he sent me a text, explaining that he enjoyed our conversation last night. I replied that afternoon; that I also felt the same. We continued to exchange texts throughout the day (something that went against my dating rule: don’t appear overly eager/excited). I wanted to play it cool – but something kept attracting me – wanting to find out more about this guy.
I eventually asked for a picture that afternoon while we were texting. To be fair, I sent one while at work as well – just in the bathroom (don’t judge me lol). When his picture came through, all I could do was just stare. His eyes looked eerily familiar. It was almost as if there was a distant memory I couldn’t pinpoint. I felt as if we had met before (other than yesterday online) but where, was my question? I searched my mind thinking of all the places and events where we could have met: Did we have a fling in college, maybe we chatted online before, or maybe as kids. But I kept dismissing these questions, all because he grew up in an entirely different city and state. However, I thought, well the military is very mobile, there’s a possibility we could have ran into each other. I really felt as if I remembered him.
I guess, I was thinking a little too long, because he sent me a text, “you still there?” I wondered for a few more minutes if I should ask him if we met before? Maybe he knew something I didn’t and could recall where.