Part 4 – I See You

His response, I don’t think so? I dropped it. I just thought, maybe I was confusing him for someone else. It happens. Our text conversation continued into the early evening. He had asked me if we could video chat – just to be sure I wasn’t a catfish. I didn’t see a problem with this. So I told him, I’d text him after I finished eating dinner. He agreed.

After I had my dinner, I was free and ready to Skype. I logged on, shot him a quick text I was free and then waited. Within a few minutes, he finally appeared on the screen. Instantly that strange, weird feeling of knowing him resurfaced. This time, it was stronger, and much more nagging. Before he even had the chance to speak, I quickly blurted out, Yoooo…where have we met before?   What I really wanted him to do was to list all the places, people, streets, cities, countries, schools he ever lived, attended or known. But that would come off a little too obsessive. I couldn’t show all my cards just yet lol.

He was leaning back in his chair, eyes focused straight on me. I knew he was reading me. I could tell by how quiet and focused he had been. He was doing the same thing I did to other men. Whenever I would meet with a guy for a date, I quietly sat back and read them. I listened to how they spoke, the meaning behind the words, their body language, even down to the words they used. However, I used this information to understand how to better manipulate them. Reel them in, and spit them out before they had the chance to hurt me. I knew right at that moment: he will be an entire problem!!

I was uncomfortable. I was being confronted with the reflection of how I maneuvered with men. I smiled and said hey you – just trying to play everything off like I was calm, cool and collected. Truthfully, I was a ball of nerves!! Like two cups of strong coffee nerves. Smiling, he asked if he could ask me a question. I said, sure go ahead. He asked me why was I so nervous?Why was I so nervous…perhaps because you’re thee most handsome man I have ever laid eyes on, you’re charming, intelligent, you’re the only guy that can give me a run for my money and to top it all off I feel like we have this other worldly connection? Instead, I replied, I don’t know what you’re talking about! I was being extra defensive. But he just smiled, leaned back into his seat, folded his arms and continued to stare at me.

This man saw straight through to my soul. It was as if he could see me! I felt it – deeply. So much so, I wanted to run… run fast and run far. I wasn’t ready for whatever this was, between myself and this man. Since he was leaning back and I could see some tattoos on his arm, I quickly changed the subject and asked him about them. While I was curious to know, honestly, I just wanted him to stop staring at me!

While, we continued to Skype; he shared with me the meaning behind his tattoos. One tattoo,  stood out to me. I asked him, where did he have it done and why that one. He told me it was of an Egyptian god (I won’t share his tattoo details of the deity for privacy etc…). He asked me if I was familiar with the name of the god, despite my parents’ teachings about ancient Egypt, hieroglyphics, and other gods and goddesses. I felt a little embarrassed. I should have known better, but truth was truth, I never heard of this god prior to him sharing this with me that night.  I, myself, have only one tattoo. It’s of the ankh (an ancient Egyptian symbol, meaning “life”). I have always felt drawn to ancient Egypt – almost obsessively. I was just happy to have met someone who shared that interest.

However, the more we talked about ancient Egypt – the more I felt that weird, distant feeling of knowing him. I jokingly brought the question to his attention. I asked once more: Haven’t we met before? To which he replied, Nope. I would definitely remember meeting you! But that nagging feeling just wouldn’t go away. By this time, it was irksome! I couldn’t place my finger on how I would have possibly known him except – maybe ancient Egypt had something to do with it? My logical mind quickly dismissed that idea. I knew I believed in past lives, but I never would have believed in that moment, it was possible for us. Hell, I felt like I wasn’t even in my right mind.

I thought I was making more of this than it needed to be. In my mind, this was all pretty simple: I was video chatting with a guy I was very much attracted to. Period. That’s all. But how can I feel this intense attraction to another so quickly? I was just out of a three-year relationship, with someone I thought I would certainly marry. I tossed it up to feeling neglected in the last few months of my past relationship. Now, that made perfect sense to me. Yep, I was just transferring these unresolved feelings of my ex, onto this new guy! As he kept sharing with me about his other tattoos, that familiar feeling kept creeping back. I began to wonder to myself: maybe – just maybe I’m asking this question all wrong? So I waited until he finished talking, and resumed his favorite position (leaning back, staring at me smiling). So, I became just as quiet and stared back at him. Silence.

As I sat there staring directly into his eyes, I knew the next question to ask:

WHO the hell are you?

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