So there I was – officially single. Living what I thought was my best life…(it wasn’t). I was so far removed from my emotions that I had consciously blocked out any thoughts about love, compassion, feelings and understanding. I had conditions and I didn’t care. It was all about what men could and would do for me. With minimum to no effort on my part. Side Note: ( How silly I was at the time. Looking back, I was so unbalanced and I realize now, how much my ego was at play here.) Back to the story. Truth be told – underneath it all, I wanted what my relationship hadn’t given me. Unconditional love. Deep down inside, I was still seeking and searching for what I thought to be the perfect love. The One. This was very confusing to me. I didn’t understand why My mind was saying one thing, while my heart wanted to feel another.
I was on every dating site imaginable – Plenty of Fish (POF), OkCupid, and my ultimate favorite: Tinder. Let me tell yall – I went on so many dates that, eventually, I began to feel burnt out. I found myself frustrated that I was unable to meet someone with whom I had a deep meaningful connection. Ultimately, I began to feel like I was missing something.
One Saturday evening, I found myself, alone. I didn’t have any dates lined up (which was rare for me at the time). So I decided to just enjoy a night to myself. I had some wine and had turned on a movie. However, I still felt the need to scroll through the dating apps. I was using POF at the time, when I came across HIM. His profile picture was at the bottom of the screen, under the “recommended” profiles. Immediately, I clicked onto his page. I didn’t even scroll through the his other pictures he had. I went headed straight to see his details. He was a year younger than myself (at the time I was 31 years old, he was 30). No big deal right? Wrong! I had so many dating “standards”:
- Must be seven to ten years older than me. (This was a huge one)
- Must be ready for a relationship. (Oh, but I thought I wasn’t looking for one lol)
- Must be willing to be married within one year of dating. (Lorda’ mercy!)
- Had to show interest by calling, texting and asking me out – first. (Face Palm)
I was so deep into my silly dating conditions that I refused to deviate from what I wanted. Any man that was not willing to abide by MY standards, couldn’t possibly be for me. I remember thinking to myself, this guy will have to go in the “only fun” category because he doesn’t meet my requirements. After-all, he was thirty years old, in the military, and very attractive. I just knew he wasn’t seeking anything serious. I made a lot of silly assumptions based on MY EGO. However, I was still curious. I wanted to know more about this person. So I messaged him.